Won’t Take More Than 15 Minutes, 20 Tops

9:30 PM John: Right now? 9:30 at night? You want me to put Andrew’s painting back on the wall? At this very instant? Me? Shelley: Yes. John: Why is it that, every year, just before we leave, you give me a project? Shelley: This is hardly a project. Won’t take more than 15 minutes, 20 tops.…

Fish On! Oh Yeeeaahhhhhhhh Baby!!!

As the full moon rises on Kelsey Bay, Sayward, Vancouver Island, John and I reflect on the day’s salmon fishing… from kayaks, no less… Shelley: Got one. Fish on. Fish. On. Oh! Yeeeaahhhhhhhh!!! Baby!!! The net. The net! Get the net! Aiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! He’s dragging me out to sea! For the love of God John, hurry!  I don’t want to end…

Muuuaahhmmmmmmm!!!! He Just Gave me the Finger!!!

Now that the boys are all grown up, (Matt is 28 and Andrew is 26) what’s it like camping with them?  Something like this… Andrew: Nice shirt bro. When’s the rodeo? Matt: Shut up. Andrew: Shut up? That’s the best the “Come Back King” can do? “Shut up?”  Not going to lie. Disappointed in you, Matt. Oh! Muuuaahhmmmmmmm! Matt…

But I’m Your Mother

Shelley: Morning Matt. It’s almost 10:00. Matt: Huh? Shelley: Here’s your folded laundry. Need anything else washed? Matt: Thanks mom. I think I’m good. Shelley: Don’t you have a shirt for me to mend? Matt: Yawn. Just give me 20 more minutes. I’m still on vacation. Shelley: No worries. I’ll start breakfast when I hear you moving around. How’s that? Matt: MMmmmppphhhhh…. Shelley: Whhhoeeeee! You…

Introducing Slice’s Newest Reality TV Star, my Nephew, Dan

Shelley: Sooooo John told me some potentially exciting news today. Everyone: Tell us!!!!! Shelley: Last spring John sent his favourite blogs to his friend, Curry, who’s a Screen Writer. And Curry passed them on to his friend, who works with the TV Channel, Slice. (Click here for more info. on Slice.) Dad: What’s Slice? Shelley: Reality TV. Everyone: Ohhhhhh!!!!!!! That’s great! Amazing! Congratulations! Shelley: Awww…

Oh S%$T!

Shelley: Oh S%$T! It’s not working! It’s backing up. It’s almost to the top of the toilet bowl! S%$T’s going to run all over the floor! Stop. STOP!!!  Come here! QUICK! Gak. Gak. Blechhhh! Huhhngggghhh! HUHHNGGGHHH!!!! John: Let me see. Oh S%$T! Gak. Gak. Blechhhh! Huhhngggghhh! HUHHNGGGHHH!!!! Shelley: Exactly. Gak. Gak. Blechhhh! Huhhngggghhh! HUHHNGGGHHH!!!! John: QUICK!! Pass me a garbage bag. I’ll wrap…

The List

John: Did you get the special RV toilet paper? Shelley: Yes. John: The Buzz Bombs? Shelley: Yes. John: Pink? Shelley: Yes. John: The replacement reel? Shelley: Yes. John: Milk? Shelley: Yes. John: Sausages? Shelley: Yes. John: Fruit? Shelley: Yes. And the vegetables. We’re done. Let’s go. John: Not yet. We still need a mirror. Shelley: We…