What to do if a Shark Attacks

  Shelley: Do you think we’re far enough from shore to see a humpback? John: I should think so. We’ve paddled for about fourty-five minutes straight out. Shelley: I though yesterday’s trip to Cabo Pulma was pretty much a bust as far as kayaking and snorkelling goes but watching the shark fishermen sort out their catch made up for it. Agree? John: Agree.…

Amigo, Maybe You’d Like to try my Homemade Salsa?

Doug: Hey John. Let’s see who can eat an entire mini chilli pepper first. Chomp! John: (Slow motion) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttt arrrrrrrrrrrrrre yooouuuuuuuuuuu dooooooinnnnngggggg????? Doug: (Fast motion) Chomp! Shelley: (Slow motion) Thooooose small ones are suuuuuuuuuper hawwwwwwwwwwwtttttttttt!!!! Wayyyyy hawwwwwwterrr thannn the big onesssss! Doug: (Fast motion) Chomp! Karen (Doug’s wife: (Also slow motion) Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttt’sssss naaawwwwwwwtt a gooooooooood ideeeeeeeeaaaaaahhh! Shelley, John, Karen: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Doug: (Fast…

Los Cabos, Home of No Bad Days

Shelley: After 136 days on the road, we’ve finally arrived in Los Cabos. It’s everything the books say and more; temperatures in the high 20’s, warm blue azure waters gently lapping on blindingly white sandy beaches, dazzling blue skies and soft breezes. Everyone’s happy, thankful they are escaping winter. John: Thank you Miss Tour Guide of the Year. Shelley: Ha! Ha!…

Still Here

  Shelley: Thanks so much for giving me a camera lesson using the manual setting. Hmmm maybe I should play with these dolphin pics some more. Andrew: No need. Considering that you took them from your kayaks, they turned out really well. Shelley: Oh Andrew, you’re going to make an excellent teacher. Andrew: Thanks mom. Teaching you this stuff actually…

My Name is Comox Valley and I’m From Shelley

Shelley: Can you believe how that guy from two sites down spoke to his wife? I would have punted him into the sea. And Chris from California? When he said, “I can tell you where the best beaches are on the Baja, but I’ll have to kill you.” Even after twenty minutes of listening to…

Bella Cola!

Shelley: Dramamine? John: No thanks. I’m not worried about getting sea sick, I’m worried about being swallowed by a whale. Shelley: Ah ha! That’s why they gave us these wrist bands, so they can identify our remains when they open up Moby Dick. John: Great. Thanks for saying that. Exactly what I want to hear while we’re in the birthing…

Jeesh, I Don’t Want to Buy the Place

Shelley: Hola! Tres Valle Wine Server: Hola! Hablas español? Shelley: Un poquito. Server: Bienvenido a Tres Valles. ¿Quieres probar un poco de vino? Shelley: Maybe more porquito than that. Server: You pay eight dollars to taste five different wines. If you buy, we take eight dollars off your bill. Shelley: Bueno. Let’s do this. For one, please. Now what do we have…

Macho Macho Man

Tuesday Dec.16, 2014, Federales Check point on Highway #5, Mexico… John: The Federale wants to search the RV. I have to go with him. Shelley: Don’t talk unless he asks you a question. Don’t offer information. And don’t make him mad. He’s holding a machine gun  with his finger on the trigger. John: Relax. I know what to say. Shelley: Maybe we should practice…

How to Spot a Russian Hooker

During the 2014 Dubai Sevens weekend… Kareem: Do you know if a woman says she’s a real estate agent and if her dress is exactly 1 to 1.73 inches below the crotch, she’s a Russian Hooker. Ali: Exactly? Kareem: Yes. Yes. Exactly. Very important. Shelley: Emma! These people want to meet you. They’re from Scotland too. Maybe you know them. Kareem:…

Canada has Turtles

While visiting Emma’s Year 1, *five year old’s) class at the KUWAIT ENGLISH SCHOOL) Shelley: Does anyone know what animals Canada has? Abdul: Dogs? John: Yes. Aliah: Cats?. Shelley: Definitely cats. Kuwait has loads of cats, doesn’t it? Class: Oh yes. John: Very good, but can you think of any animals Canada might have that Kuwait doesn’t?…