Day 67, November 4th
Shelley: This is not going to be pretty. I think the last time we golfed was last summer.
John: You’re right. Let’s have a look at the score card to see how long the first hole is.
Shelley and John: Oh. Oh. Some of those holes are over 300 yards.
John: Good thing we’re playing on our own. That way no one will see us embarrass ourselves. “Smith Rules,” right? (Hit as many balls as you want, as long as you don’t delay the players behind you. Of course you only count the good ones.)
Shelley: Yes. And the winner of each hole gets to drive the cart. Deal?
John: Deal.
Husband and wife pull up in their golf cart….
Husband: Hey there. How y’all doing?
Shelley: Good. Good. Yourselves?
Wife: Can’t complain. Our first day off in a couple of weeks.
Shelley: Why don’t you two play ahead of us?
Husband: Oh no, no, no. We couldn’t do that.
John: We’re just a bunch of hackers. You’ll be waiting behind us forever. We insist.
Husband: I have a better idea. Why don’t we make a foursome?
Shelley: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Once you start golfing with us, you’ll see that that is one terrible idea. We really are bad.
John: Embarrassingly bad.
Husband: Well, my wife here hasn’t played for… how long has it been, dear?
Wife: Six months.
Man: Six months. So the three of you will be about the same.
John: And we cheat.
Shelley: Trust us. That would drive you crazy. Drives everyone who plays with us crazy.
Man: That’s quite all right. I’m a pro. Maybe you might pick up a tip or two from me. You never know.
John: (Whispering, while keeping a huge smile on his face) Shelley, say something to get us out of this. I don’t want to golf with a pro. He’ll spend the entire time giving us advice. It will be horrible. Go on, say something.
Shelley: (Whispering back, also with a huge smile on her face) What else am I supposed to say? He won’t take “no” for an answer.
John: (Still whispering and smiling at the couple) Both of us will be miserable. Say something.
Shelley: Really. It’s OK. You guys enjoy yourself. Hit away.
Husband: Wouldn’t dream of letting you folks play on your own. That’s not very hospitable at all. Look, there’s a foursome ahead of us. We’ll all be waiting around anyway. Might as well get to know each other.
John: ( Frantically whispering and smiling) Shelley, tell them, “No thank you.”
Shelley: (Continuing to whisper and smile) I just did. Why can’t you? Why do I always have to do the dirty work?
John: (Desperately whispering and smiling. His eyes start to roll) I’ll let you drive the cart the entire time if you do this.
Husband and Wife: (Smiling expectantly)…
Shelley: Ahhh… Ahhh…
John: (Head is rolling) And make supper. And do the dishes. And…
Shelley: Ahhh… Ahhh..
Husband and Wife: (Smiling expectantly)…
Shelley: Ahhh… Ahhh…
John: (No longer smiling or whispering) Shelley!
Husband and Wife: (Smiling expectantly)…
Shelley: We’d love to play golf with you. Wouldn’t we, John?
Shelley and John
Honey Did you See That? 
OMG. You’ve just described hell. (How’d the round go?)
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Well, if you consider that our score can never go over 8, and after 9 holes, I had 50, not bad! 🙂 She was not crap. He lied. He actually must have bit his tongue off trying not to coach us. Instead, he helped his dear. She loved it. NOT.
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Lol! We’re they as good as you thought they be?
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OMG. He almost had a hole in one. She out drove him. AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!
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Hilarious! Was it Arnold Palmer?
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I think he had Arnold’s expectations. One time he hit the ball close to half a mile, OK, not that far, but at least 200 yards and he smacked his club in the ground with disappointment. Bah. 🙂
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Know this scene all too well. 🙂 From your side. You survived, right? Any helpful tips?
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Ha! Ha! Just barely. As for tips, look nonchalant as you throw your ball out of sand, rough grass, mud etc. back on the freeway, then continue to hack away. Never give a score over 8. 🙂 Ughhh.
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“That’s quite all right. I’m a pro. Maybe you might pick up a tip or two from me. You never know.” Could this guy have been any more smug? 😉
I love this conversation. I didn’t get lost once reading it. And I can see the whole thing play out! But I gotta tell ya, you could have had the dishes done and meals prepped! Lots of fun!
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I know. I know. But they were looking right at us. I couldn’t think of anything else to say without being rude. It’s because I’m Canadian. 🙂
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Ahhhh!! That is hell. I would have had to fake throwing up or something. Geez, y’all are good sports.
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You know it. I’m going to Heaven. And I ended up cooking supper. And I’m the one whose score blew up on the course. John actually did OK. Blechhh.
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Oh Lordy! I love how you said, why do I always have to be the bad guy? That’s the same at my house. The pictures look to be of two pretty good golf players!
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Right? We women do the dirty work. Don’t be fooled by the pictures. I was going to put the pictures on a loop. The guy’s eyes came out when I hit my third ball off the tee.
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Just loved this, can see John’s smile stretching his face!!!teeth gritted and sweat beads forming!! It’s always good to challenge yourselves……………xx
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And he actually played pretty well unlike me. 🙂
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XD. Loved it. Saying no is tough all right.
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Right??? I’m just too darn polite. 🙂
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Ah, it’s only a game. And sociability is part of what golf is about, right?
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Yes. Only a game. And guess who came last in the game even after using her special scoring system?? Sigh.:)
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You need to add one more component to the Smith Rules: John is responsible for saying NO.. and see you on the 19th!
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Exactly. Wait, the 19th?? Ahhhh i get it, the bar! 🙂
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