Tour Guide: In 1861, Charleston was one of the wealthiest cities in the country because of the rice and cotton trade. Yet four years later the city was a shadow of her former self.
FemaleTourist: That’s because of the Civil War. Am I right?
Tour Guide: You are right. The Civil War, as well as tornadoes, hurricanes, earth quakes, fires ravaged the city. Only a small area of the city is original.
Female Tourist: That’s crazy. Wouldn’t be much of me left after all that either. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Tour Guide: Ha! Ha! In the summer it can get up to 98 degrees, but it feels like 1,000. So these homes were built specifically to take advantage of the sea breezes. That’s why the antebellem verandahs are built along the sides of the houses.
Female Tourist: Whooo Wheee. And I’m hot now. Can’t imagine dealing with that kind of heat in the summer. I’d boil in my own skin.
Tour Guide: Yep, it gets real hot. Look closely at that front door. You’ll notice that it doesn’t lead to the inside of the house. It opens to the verandah where people spent a lot of their time. If the door was shut, it was a polite way of saying no visitors, please.
Female Tourist: Isn’t that a great idea? I think we should put one of these on our verandah. That would keep unwanted guests out. What do you think? Of course we would have to build a verandah first. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Tour Guide: Ha! Note that many of the verandah’s ceilings are painted haint blue. Apparently to keep wasps away. However, if you take the Ghost Tour, they’ll tell you the haint blue ceiling confuses the spirits into thinking that it’s always day time. Spirits take mens’ souls only at night.
Female Tourist: How come they only take a man’s soul?
Tour Guide: I’m not sure. But during one of my first tours, a woman asked that, and a man shouted, “Because women don’t have souls.” What a ruckuss that was. I wasn’t sure what to do.
Female Tourist: Settle down. Settle down. I would have said, “Settle down people.” For sure that would’ve worked. Next time try that.
Tour Guide: I might just do that. And now we are crossing Broad Street and heading to the most desired area of Charleston because of the breezes off the water. The locals say that we are leaving slightly north of Broad or SNOB and entering south of Broad. Those residents are referred to as SOB’s.
Female Tourist: Ha! Ha! I get you. That’s pretty clever. SOB’s. I wonder if anyone would call them that to their faces?
Tour Guide: I’m really not sure. Behind the Confederate Museum is Charleston’s Historic Market. Over 200 years ago, a wealthy Charleston family willed land to the town on the condition that is was used as a public market.
Female Tourist: Why that was very generous of them. Wasn’t it?
Tour Guide: It sure was. In the old days, there were vendors selling vegetables, poultry, fresh fish and…
Female Tourist: Fresh fish? That reminds me, can you recommend a restaurant that sells fresh fish? What about “Bubba Shrimp?” Is that fresh? I’m not sure about the rest of you, but I didn’t come all this way to eat fish that’s not fresh. No way.
Tourist Guide: May I suggest that before you order your fish in any restaurant that you ask if it’s fresh?
Female Tourist: That’s good advice. I’ll do just that. Thank you.
Tour Guide: You’re welcome. The market now sells a mix of touristy and traditional items, like Gullah baskets.
Female Tourist: I’m prepared to pay $85, no more than $90 for my basket.
Tour Guide: I’m sorry to tell you that because of the cruise ships, they aren’t as willing to haggle with you, so you’re probably going to pay quite a bit more than that.
Female Tourist: For a coiled grass basket? Hmphh. Not me. I’m not one of those tourists who has more money than brains. No sireee.
Tour Guide: You know, some of the locals have bumper stickers that say, “Shoot all Tourists”
Female Tourist: Now that’s not very nice. Not very nice at all. Why in the world would they put something like that on their bumpers?

Later on that day we took a scenic cruise. The Captain on a microphone on the bridge behind a closed door. Charleston is in the background
Unbelievably this is my 200th post, just over 100 with WordPress. I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has taken time out of their day to read, like, comment, share and follow “Honey.” Without your feedback I would have quit and pursued my singing career.
Shelley and John
Hilarious! Safe travels. Xoxoo
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Afterwards we spent the day quoting her. Ughhhh…..
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OMG,,I would’ve shot myself in the eye if I was stuck with that tourist chick!
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Right? And she would look around for affirmation on how funny and smart she was.
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Hahaha that’s hilarious.
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Of course it is. Now. Kidding. We were trying not to laugh the entire tour. 🙂
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What a trip you have had, Shelley! I love living vicariously through you!
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i call broad street home of my divorce lawyer & next door home of my x H’s divorce lawyer.
on a 3 hour across the state school trip in 6th grade jerry fowler tried to sell me at the slave mart for 1 penny… i wrote a haiku but never typed it …yet..
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There is so much to respond to here. Am thinking that Broad Street brings back mixed memories. Which side was your lawyer on? SNOB or SOB’s? Jerry sounds like a nice guy, but not too bright as surely you’re worth more than a penny. Am waiting for your haiku. 🙂
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i know i could have written more like a seafood restaurant, but i can only remember one name.i think they were on the haberdashery side.lol..his lawyer next door had paintings of hats on the building from years ago… thank-you.i hope i find jerry way below summer somewhere
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Don’t think our tour took us by the haberdashery side. Who knows with that woman jabbering away! Wonder if Jerry remembers that day?
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probably just lawyer’s offices .lol…
i bet he does.. he was in my class 1st — 12th grade.. a lot of people were. people didn’t move ,like today.
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So glad you stopped to see Charleston!! Amazing place!! Looks like you had fabulous weather!!!
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Such a gorgeous place. So full of history and fabulous weather. Meaning sun. 🙂
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Singing career?? Write more blogs and I will continue to be your faithful reader!!!
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Ha! Ha! I think you’re the only one who read that far. Thanks loyal supporter.
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Shelley….. are you telling me you weren’t the female tourist? I could have sworn I heard your voice in there. JK. Hope you have fun in Savannah!
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Cross my heart swear to die, it wasn’t me. Every time we take a tour there’s always someone who thinks it’s just for them. Looking forward to Savannah.
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You’re lucky to be alive it seems:)
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I can’t argue that. Today should be fairly risk free. Off to Savannah. 🙂
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Keep on blogging! I’m afraid to hear your singing!
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Now that is a reasonable fear. 🙂
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Sounds like you guys are having a fabulous trip with a good balance of travel and visiting. Love following your adventures! Congrats on 200!
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Thanks very much!! With travel, life is unpredictable. And the Smiths love that.
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Can’t believe you or John didn’t make a comment or wind the lady tourist up more!!!! I can truthfully say I have read every blog and commented on most, is there a prize?
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It’s true. You have been an amazing reader, and liker, and sharer. Yes. Of course there’s a prize. What would you like???
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I love the “female tourist’s” comments and she is really funny, almost like YOU!! Ha ha! I would not pay more than $20 for a basket now that I have become a junk seeking woman and a yard sale addict! I love the fact they are clean and original, too. I loved the comments about the verandah and did not know painting the ceilings blue would confuse the spirits! Great read!
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Ha! Some friends and relatives suggested that the woman was me. Uh Uh! I’ve changed so much since having to sit through staff meetings. And even then, Much of my time was spent trying to get people to laugh. 🙂 Thanks again for dropping by.
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LOL!!
Beautiful photos though! 😉
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Ugghh. Without fail there’s one of those on every tour. Thanks for reading.
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Seriously cool blog Madam!
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Why thanks so much for your kind words. Wait “til I tell my kids that a reader said my blog was cool, which obviously means I am cool! 🙂
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