And if She Doesn’t Kill you, she’s Going to cut off Your…

So much has happened this past week, like…

Too red and too small. Poo!

Too red and too small. Poo!


a belated family gathering in Comox Valley for Mother’s Day and my dad’s birthday, where we played,

“The Seventh Annual Roy Golf Classic”


Shout out to Japan with Team "Hello Kitty" brother, Shenley, niece, Bailey, Brother-in-law, Keith, and moi

Winners, winners, chicken dinners.  From left to right, brother, Shenley, niece, Bailey, Brother-in-law, Keith, and moi

Keith, my brother-in-law: You’re up Shenley.

My brother, Shenley: Oh no! Somehow I’ve ended up with Marina’s (Shenley’s wife) seven iron. She’s going to wonder where it went.

Shelley: She’s going to kill you.

Shenley: I’ll run it back to her after I hit. (Set’s up, brings his golf club back)

Shelley: And if she doesn’t kill you, she’s going to cut off your… (whispers) penis.

Shenley: (Lowers his club, steps back from the tee.) Ha! Ha! Ha! Shelley! Stop that. Don’t say things like that. It’s not… it’s not right.

Shelley: Sorry. Heh! Heh! Heh!

Shenley: (Set’s back up and brings his golf club back, pauses, begins his downward swing…)

Shelley: And stick it in your bum.

Shenley: (Nails it to the left) Shelley!

Shelley: You really need to work on keeping your head down… And focus. Very very important to focus.


Three sessions of hot yoga at Bikram Yoga Studio

Reenactment of hot yoga at  Bikram Yoga Studio, Courtenay, Comox Valley. (Click here to check out the studio)

John: Do you think that girl is OK? I feel terrible that I fell on her.

Shelley: She’s fine. I’m sure she’s already forgotten what happened.


Spring of 2011…

John: I want a speed boat.

Spring of 2012…

John: I want a speed boat.

Spring of 2013…

John: I want a speed boat.

May 22, spring of 2014…

John: I want a speed boat.

Shelley: For the love of God, buy one, but not too expensive. We’re retired and not made of money.

May 23, spring of 2014…


John: Isn’t she a beauty? Phil, (previous owner) said we might want to think of a new name for this classic lady as, “Maid His Day” is a little too close to “May Day.”

So, dear readers, I’ve decided to have a

“Name that Boat” contest

If we choose the name you send in, you win an all expenses paid boat ride with the Smiths. Seriously, how awesome is that going to be, being stuck on a seventeen foot boat for a couple of hours with the Smiths?

Oh, and a huge thank you to Cindi, who sent me Norwegian chocolates, which were so amazing, they lasted a couple of nights hours minutes. Cindi, you automatically get to ride with the Smiths! Check out Cindi’s blog, by clicking on this link,  An American in Norway, A Citizen of the World 


Shelley and John




61 thoughts on “And if She Doesn’t Kill you, she’s Going to cut off Your…

  1. How about ‘orrsum smiths’ or ‘smithship’ or ‘fisherman’s friend’ ? Wait, what about ‘Shell-fish1’?


    • Thank you Babs for your entries. We will get back to you with our choices as soon as the contest closes. I am particularly fond of “Shell-fish 1”


    • And if you play you’re cards right by sending in the best name, you can hang out, hour after hour… 🙂 Those chocolates. Soooo good. Am off to see if you have posted about your epic trip to Australia.


      • Oh no, I’m sorry Shelley. I’ve been busy trying to wrap everything up with the book… Now they’ve let me down before but fingers crossed the eBook might be ready this week! I couldn’t find any chocolate so just ate five spoonfuls of Nutella. Now I feel sick…


      • John has your book on his list. And with how he loves to cross things off his list, I bet we will be your first customers! 🙂 As for Nutella- Blechhh! Having said that, just demolished a huge piece of Nanaimo Bar. Decadence invented on the island.


  2. Good God… It’s got to be something in Spanish. The boat name! We know how much you enjoy using Google translator. My suggestion: “Pequeno Pesce”

    Also, I go AWOL for 2+ months and come back to your new hair hue. What’s up with that? 🙂


    • Dang you!!!!! Right back… Got it. Hmmm. Small Piece. Hmmm. Thank you for your submission. We will get back to you in a week. 🙂 Do you really want to come to this valley??? There are a lot of family members here! Happy that you’re back. Sometimes a rest is good. My new hair hue can be explained by me getting tired of dyeing and dyeing for ever. I might have written about my traumatic experience!


  3. The “SS Watch You Step”. FYI, SS wasn’t meant to stand for Shelley Smith, but it could! Or, how about, “Best wife ever”, or, “On belay”. I know, “Ablation zone”.


  4. Hi Shelley…

    I love your posts… My fav pictures are the ones of the “The Seventh Annual Roy Golf Classic”, very lovely… I also admire your physical flexibility when it comes to yoga (lack of practice, I guess)

    Best wishes and hope you a nive week ahead,

    Aquileana 😀


    • Thank you so much for you kind words. We were horrible at the hot yoga, very very embarrassing. Having said that, we need to go back and work on our flexibility! It has to be good for us!


  5. What a fun time with the golf tournament (and crabbing!) — I’ll overlook the visual imagery of cutting and sticking …. 😉

    And were those PURPLE starfish in your second image????

    And thank you for the shout-out, and I’m totally there for a ride with the Smiths. It promises to be a great time! Just give me a few moments to book my flight ….

    Did you manage a few sips of wine during the nights hours minutes of chocolate heaven?

    (There’s a new commercial out for the Stratos chocolates — that’s the one with MC Hammer that started our chocolate conversations — I haven’t found it on YouTube yet, but will pass it your way when I do. It’s even better than the dancing cow!)


    • It was definitely fun although I had to play by the rules. Usually Shenley, John and I carry a pocketful of balls and hit again and again until we are happy with the shot. Oh rules! Those were purple starfish. They were all over Kin Beach.
      You’re welcome for the shout out. So funny people are writing in because they want to partake in chocolate eating too. I did have wine during my binge, but forgot to get the glass in the picture. So good. Looking forward to the youtube commercial. Oh, almost forgot, one of our former students is Norwegian and he confirmed that Norway does indeed have the best chocolates!


  6. “Oh look FRed(tm) Shelley has crabs. I mean a crab. Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack Boy, Boat huh? Men and their toys. We just have to have them. I have my collection of claymore mines that adorn the perimeter of CheDrac – the main house and other men have their beer guts. But Mr.Smith now has his boat. Good one. “The Traveller” or “Crab 1”


    • I can picture FRed(tm) standing at the front of the boat keeping an eye out for an unsuspecting bird! YIKES! Claymore mines?? On the perimeter of your house? Are you wanted???? 🙂 I shall add your suggestions to the list.


  7. More fun was had at Playground Shelley!! I’m telling you, I want to live with you guys. I’ll skip the yoga positions, my arthritis wouldn’t like those, but everything else you guys do is da bom! 🙂

    I want chocolate and a boat ride so how ’bout:
    ‘Sweet Honey’ or ‘La Señorita’ or ‘J-elley’ or ‘Snowbird/s’!

    I’ve got my bags packed! Vamonos!!! 🙂 🙂


    • Of course you can come live with us. The more the merrier! We don’t have arthritis, so no excuse for us whining our way through those yoga poses. I just read your list to John, he likes “Snowbirds.” 🙂 But, he also looked at your picture and said you were cute! Is that cheating????


  8. Love the pic with the purple starfish. So cool looking.

    Good luck on the boat. My gal’s parents had one for 20 years and just sold it as their health made it hard to maintain an use. It was a wonderful way to spend a day out on the water.

    What about naming it Explorer? Or Wanderlust? Since it seems you two travel everywhere.


    • Thanks. Not sure why the @$#$ camera flashed, but there you go. Aw. Sorry to hear about the sale of your gal’s parents’ boat. Honestly, the fellow who sold us ours, was almost in tears as he had it for over 30 years. When John went to pick it up, his grown daughter showed up to say, “Good bye.” Am adding your suggestions to the list. Glad you would risk spending all that time with us!


    • Thanks! BTW we bought a lotto ticket after we bought the boat. The clerk commented that maybe we did things out of order. It finally has stopped raining… I am off sailing with Captain John! 🙂 I shall add your suggestion to the list. Not going to lie, the competition is fierce. 🙂


  9. Ha, love the golf commentary! … 😀 and love, love, love the boat! Can’t wait to see more pics and read about your nautical adventures. I’d be afraid to do the boat thing with Joe. I’m pretty sure he’d make me walk the plank at some point. Actually I’m surprised he hasn’t left me at a rest stop yet now that I think about it. 😉

    Anyhoooo …. my entry to the name the vessel challenge is simply …. “Honey’s Helm”

    Catchy don’t ya think?

    BonVoyage Smith Family! Best wishes for fair winds and following seas. 🙂


    • Why thank you dear Wendy. On our first cruise, at the end of the lake, she died… John blames it on the fact that we were going to rename it. Apparently bad luck. I do love the name though. Sigh.


  10. So funny. Glad you got a boat. I’ll think of a name and get back to you. We have one we need to sell. Too bad we’re in GA. Sigh…..Gil’s been doing yoga with me at night….occasionally. Though last consisted of maybe 15 mins. yoga followed by 30 minutes lying on the floor while he went into LOTS of detail about the crazy architect he works with. Be glad you’re retired!! Happy boating, my dear!!


    • Ha! Ha! Doesn’t Gil understand that yoga is a time for silent reflection! Too funny. We are very glad to be retired, but will get back to you on the boat as it didn’t make it through it’s first outing. Sigh!


  11. Shelley, I hope I am not too late…love the pics, seriously, you people have more fun than anyone I know. 🙂

    The most appropriate name for John’s new boat (finally): Aboat (Aboot?) Time or finalmente, if you want to go Spanish. 🙂


  12. Pingback: Norwegian commercials: humor | An American in Norway, a Citizen of the World

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